Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Death.

My baby cousin, Lena, died today. This morning. Left her house full of life and isn't coming home. She was killed in a car accident, her mom was driving, and we are forever changed.

No one can prepare you for these phone calls, but they are, what every person dreads. She was 4 years old. New to this world. Just getting started on her own journey. She was beautiful, full of life, and I have wonderful memories of her tromping around in her red cowboy boots.

I was 10 minutes away from leaving my house to get my hair done. Getting ready for that new job, and mom called me to break the news. My dad is a mess. We are all a mess. I know that these things happen all the time, but when they happen so close to home it is hard to process. I go up, I go down. I cry. I'm fine. I cry again. I think of her funeral, her tiny coffin, I cry more. When old people die you understand it more, you accept it. I can't accept this. Not yet. It hits me hard now having Brooklyn. I had to take her into daycare for a couple of hours because looking at her was hard. You would think it would be the opposite but in the very moments of knowing Lena was gone it wasn't. Brooklyn wanted me to read 'No more monkeys jumping on the bed...' and all I could do was think of Lisa reading that to her baby girl.

I'll hug her tightly tonight though, more than ever.

I know we never know why these things happen, they just do. Eventually we will move on from it but in these very moments nothing else matters but remembering Lena and being there for my family. I dread the next few days...

Dearest Lena, you were a beautiful girl, we will remember you forever, and love you always.

12 comments:

The Holmes said...

Oh my god, Heather, I'm so sorry. My condolences to you and your family.

Courtney said...

I am so sorry! That is awful to hear. Lots of thoughts and prayers with you and your family.

Kelly said...

Heather, I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

--Heather-- said...

oh... wow, that is so sad. I am truely sorry for you and your sister. I have lost a couple little ones that have been close to me... it took me awhile to see the sense of this world, this life... then realize there is none. you are in my prayers.

Grand Pooba said...

Wow, and here I am complaining of my lack of motivation. You are SO right, my motivation is family, it's life!

I am so sorry, it is a terrible tragedy to lose someone so young who hasn't had a chance to really experience life especially someone so close to you. I wish you peace and good luck in the days to come.

Anonymous said...

Heather, you have the gift of words. You expressed your feelings so beautifully. I will keep you and Lena's family in my prayers and thoughts.
Jane

OceanDreams said...

I will be praying for you and your family, I can't imagine what you are going through and pray that you find some comfort. Here is a huge hug for you! XOXO!

Carrie Burr said...

Always here and hope you know that much at least. All my love and prayers to you and yours.

jennster said...

oh that is so tragic.. i am so sorry for your loss and all that your family will endure. so so sad.

The Redhead Riter said...

That breaks my heart. I am so sorry for your family's loss and the pain that you are suffering. I will pray for you all. How is her mother?

Life, Love And Lola said...

OMG! I am so sorry! Hugs to you and your family!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Kaylen said...

This is so tragic and unfair!! I'm so sorry for your family's loss.