Monday, August 10, 2009

Fork.

Fork in the road...

In life.

Many times the path we find ourselves on is almost forced. It is just the way it was supposed to be. Reflecting back I can't say I have been standing at the decision making point and been more indecisive than I am now.

Life 'fork' I am facing now:

To have another kid, or to stay with an only child? (I do realize all things that need to align between now and 9 or so months). But, do we try?

What Brooklyn has brought to my life is something that I have only heard others describe but never felt, until now. Crazy amounts of pride, happiness, excitement, laughs, tears, fear, anxiety, responsibility...list goes on and on. I often say she is the best thing I have done with my life so far. I love that little face.

Rewind pre-Brooklyn and Dom and I were, and still very much are, ACTIVE. We love to travel, eat at new restaurants, meet friends for drinks, catch movies, have BBQ's, just LIVE. Even now we are both very good about giving each other the time to ourselves, with friends, being social, and then bringing Brooklyn along where we can. This past weekend we survived a CRAZY beach trip with the most amazing, CRAZY friends. We managed to be adults and parents all in one weekend. I love it. I love being surrounded by our friends and family, often, and I love to get Brooklyn out there. Girl already has a passport. Awesome.

I also have a career. I work, and I like it. I thrive at being good at what I do, and while I sometimes don't always love the schedule it's what I do. I struggle though with the thought of someone else watching my baby 40+ hours a week but I know I am her MOTHER. And, I work to give her the things I want to give her. To teach her things, take her places, provide for her.

I realize some people don't even get to make this choice, so in recognizing that I can say that I am very grateful.

But how much does one more kiddo change things?

What I can't seem to wrap my head around is Brooklyn being alone through her childhood. No brother or sister to run down the stairs Christmas morning screaming "SANTA CAME!!!" Taking vacations, no one to snuggle in bed next to her full of excitement for the journies ahead. No one to call and bitch about mom and dad to. I have two brothers and we are extremely close, they mean everything to me. No one to compete with her, no one for her to protect and be big sister to, it all just seems so lonely. But, that being said too I know plenty of people that have one child and they are doing just fine.

We're at that fork in the road. I know that I'll make the right choice, or as most things in life, with faith it will get made for me. Definitely looking for a sign...

9 comments:

jennster said...

*sighs*.. it looks like blake will be an only child too. the reality of it is, i'm not entirely sure we could afford to have another kid. and if there is no other kid, that mean blake gets to have and do LOTS of things. and i think that's awesome. but it does break my heart to think of him not having a single sibling to share things with.. like when he hates me and wants to vent- who is he supposed to talk too? i love my sister so much and i can't imagine NOT having her, but i guess... if i didnt' have her, i'd just rely on my best friends you know? i always tell blake that his cousins (my sisters kids) are like his brother and sister.... so he kind of has the best of both worlds i guess. i dunno.. if you figure it out, let me know the answer k? lol

Kelly said...

I can imagine it's a hard decision and I think the answer will come when the time is right.

But my biased opinion (since you didn't ask!)... my two sisters are my world and I don't know what I would do without them.

Courtney said...

I could only imagine its one heck of a decision to make! The decision was made for us when I found out I was 9 weeks pregnant with Luke! I know that my sister is my BEST friend and I don't know what I would do without her. And I love seeing Eddie and Luke playing together, I know that they are going to be the best of friends too.
Just follow your gut and your instincts, I am sure they will lead you to whats right for you guys! Best of luck!

Jen said...

Hi, visiting from SITS. Great post that really hits a nerve for most people. I remember having 1 child and thinking there was no way I ever wanted to get pregnant again. I am so glad I did and most of the time they get along. They keep each other company and actually make it easier for me. I don't have to be the only source of entertainment because they have each other. It is really a personal decision that doesn't need to be rushed. Some people think that their kids have to be close in age so they can grow up together. I have 3 kids. The first 2 have a 3 year gap and the last has a 6 year gap. They all get along just fine. Even the 11 year old and 2 year old find things to do together. If you don't feel like having another kid, don't. It took me a good 6 years before I felt like I could do it again after my 2nd. I am done now for sure.

Carrie Burr said...

Well, well sister. You know I am at the same fork in the road and have the EXACT same feelings. I tend to change my mind hour to hour. I am pretty confident that Dylan will end up being an only child. We are definitely going to push a close relationship with cousins and friends. I was very lucky to get a step-brother half way through my childhood, but for most things I do consider myself an only child. I think I turned out okay!! So, just have faith that whatever decision you make is the right one. And we should let Brooklyn and Dylan spend time together. He would be an excellent older brother type!

Grand Pooba said...

I see good things about both decisions but from one coming from a family of four children, I am so thankful for my brother and sisters! I just can't imagine what growing up as an only child would be like. Boring? But then again, you would be able to give that child everything you got instead of dividing it up.

So, I guess it just depends on your own situation. But I think only you can really know in your heart if you want another child!

JennyMac said...

Ahhh..this is part of our thought process sometimes too. Not an easy decision. Your heart will help you make the best decision. Good luck.

Life, Love And Lola said...

I'm an only child and I think as a result I devoloped very close friendships early on with my girlfriends...aka "sisters"

Anonymous said...

I think Kristina and Adrienne would be so lonely without each other. I say go for it!
Mama Jane