1st day of school...

BOTH of my kiddos started school today. What does that mean? It means I'm back at work. I say school instead of daycare because it makes me feel better. Where they go is a great place, awesome teachers, awesome curriculums - rules like, no baby in cribs unless they are sleeping no TV's, etc...it's a good place. But it's not home, and I'm not with them.

I have a great job at a thriving company so I honestly cannot complain at all. It's just that staying in our pj's until Ellen was over every morning with a hot cup of coffee and my beautiful babies by my side was amazing. Planning dinners, keeping up with laundry, seeing friends for lunch, rainy days where we baked cookies, played barbies, painted, and watched too much TV....all so incredibly wonderful memories. I cherished my time home this second time around more than ever, knowing it would go by so fast and also knowing it would be my last (while they are babies, at least). I had days where I screamed into a pillow when schedules just didn't stick and melt downs occured. Thankfully my husband was there to pick up the pieces when he got home and get us all back on track. I don't really remember those days near as much as all of the fantastic moments I had just being a full time mommy.

I've always struggled with this since having kids, as I'm sure most moms do. I don't believe I'm destined to permanently stay home with the kids, but I do think that maybe through a year old would be absolutely ideal. At this very moment that option just doesn't exist for me and I have to do what is best for my family in the long run. I'm 100% not trying to be all 'woe is me' here as there are hundreds of thousands of moms out there doing this everyday too. And, I do like working. Harder for me to see that at this exact moment because this is literally day 1 back, but I know I like the intensity, the challenge, and the financial reward that goes with having a career.

All things in time always work themselves out. Emotions will calm down, schedules and routines will exist and I'll still love on my babies every single day as much as possible. The 1st day of school was just tough for me, period.

Capturing.

I've been wanting to write a blog post FOREVER. I've been wanting to read blog posts FOREVER. I simply just have not done it. I REALLY want to get back on the bandwagon of posting regularly because I feel like I have so much to share with all 29 of you! This might go down in history as maybe one of the longest blog posts ever so pour a cup of coffee and get comfortable.

I've been home since the Friday before Ty was born. He was born on Wednesday, June 16th, and I literally thought I would write daily about the adventures of having two babies, summertime, birthday celebrations, graduations and trips. It's September 14th and all of those things have happened, memories in mind and not on paper. I have to go back to work on the 27th and I simply can't believe it. To many it may feel like I've been on "vacation" (as the young, ignorant boys call it) but to me I literally feel like we just got home with him. He's growing like crazy, and has changed so much in the short 13 weeks he's been here. He smiles and giggles almost every time you look at him. He sleeps from about 8:00 p.m. until 4:00/5:00 a.m., and gives us no fight when going to bed.

I keep waiting for that to change because it's a little too blissful. He's the littlest G and we are so grateful. Thinking about handing him over to someone else for 40+ hours a week makes me cringe.

Moving on from that topic now to avoid one of those start crying feel sorry for myself sessions. The summer was so much fun for us. BBQ's with friends, my birthday (DIRTY THIRTY!!!), a trip up to NYC to see family and spend a few days in the city. Our kiddos did great with all of the travel, we spent some time on Long Beach, Brooklyn, then in Manhattan. They rode on airplanes, taxis, cars, subways and were our little traveling soldiers. The oldest of the two had a MAJOR MELTDOWN in Central Park, worst in the history of her life, but that wasn't anything a few cold beers didn't fix for Dom and I when we got back to the hotel. She crashed for about 3 1/2 hours that day so clearly we over did it.

On the beach in Long Island

Brooklyn brownstone Dom grew up in

At FAO Schwartz

Both kids passed out in Central Park....heaven.

Ty hanging with Daddy walking the streets

My birthday party was a huge success. To me, at least. Boat on the lake. Kid free for two days. A ridiculous amount of BOOZE. Best friends. Hot sun. Good music. Awesome memories. The hubs worked his ass off to make it all happen, I am a lucky girl to have that man. He makes sure I always know I'm loved.

More important than my birthday was my baby girls 2nd birthday! We had cake at her school, balloons, dinner with our family and a never ending pile of presents for her to rip into. She pretty much has a full vocabulary at this point, does most things 'ALL BY MYSELF MOMMY!!!!", is an amazing big sister, and
literally changes every day. I look at her now and know that time won't stop, it speeds up. I love that girl more than life. 

It's the changing of seasons I suppose, although to me with this never ending heat wave it still feels like we should all be poolside. But, football games in the background are becoming an all too familiar sound. School has started for everyone, you can just feel the winds of change. Bittersweet for me as it means I'm about to close my final chapter of pregnancies, babies, and mommy time home. For now. Never know what the future holds right? And no, that doesn't mean more babies.

I am going to try, try hard, to blog more. My world around is so fast moving these days that I feel like if I don't force myself to capture some of this on paper I'll forget it all.

Case of the Mama Mondays

My husband called me this morning after he dropped our daughter off to tell me she had the worst break down ever as far as school drop off goes. Her school is right near his work so he takes and picks up every day. I am very grateful for this as it can be taxing on one person to do this every single day. Every morning he drops her off, watches her kick and scream, and starts his work day. We know this is normal behavior, they get over it as soon as you leave, but sometimes knowing that doesn't make it any easier.

Today was especially bad he said, lots of kicking and screaming "No DADDDDDYYYYY!!!!

When she woke up this morning she was in a great mood saying 'good mor-ing!' to us as Dom brought her downstairs. She asked for me and just laid on my chest for a few silent, still moments. My favorite times. She was acting goofy, dancing to Barney, enjoying pancakes & her 'bna-na'.

We do this routine 5 days a week and most days go really smooth. Others, like this morning, suck. I miss her, I want to stay home, comfy in our pj's, coloring, reading, playing, exploring...nap time after lunch while I get myself together, play on Facebook, blog, clean, start dinner, do some laundry. Wake up and go to the park, get home have a snack and wait for Daddy to get home. (Notice in my perfect world there are no meltdowns and tantrums to deal with). :)

It has nothing to do with dreading my actual job, that's not really the case at all. It has everything to do with just having a case of the 'mama Mondays'.

Maternity melt downs.

I'm going to come across as quite the hypocrite in this next post but I'm emotional and pregnant, so it's allowed. Or something.

I'm a hypocrite because when writing about Lena I emphasized what is important to focus on, how to be balanced, cherish the days, etc...and while I do truly mean ALL of it, I am still human. And female. And pregnant. Have I mentioned that yet? ;)

I'm almost 22 weeks along which means I'm for real showing now. I no longer get the "wow, Heather's put on some weight in the belly looks" because it's starting to look like a basketball shoved under my shirt. Not a full sized basketball yet, but getting there. I've slowly given each of my regular pants their 'last wear' (queue TAPS to play in your head), and hung them in the back of my closet. I've busted out the few pieces of clothing I still have from being pregnant with Brooklyn, and here we are.

Except I was showing with her starting about April/May timeframe, i.e., it was hot out. Totally different set of clothing needed for days like today where it's 37 degrees outside.

I had a melt down in my closet twice this week. MELT.DOWN. Probably changed clothes at least 4 times each morning, throwing the majority of them back on the ground, settled on something, left my house giving no response to "bye honey, love you." My poor husband. Not once I did this to him, but twice.

I am hitting that phase where I no longer fit into anything the right way and I needed to fully embrace my need for maternity clothes. Best way to solve that problem: suck it up, go to the mall, suck it up some more and go into Mimi Motherhood or whatever the hell it's called, and buy something.

Nevermind that half of the shirts have the pattern of your grandmother's table cloth with a string under your boobs to accentuate your ever growing belly. As if you really WANT to look MORE pregnant. And what's up with the small dressing rooms? Has anyone else noticed this? In case the owners of those stores forgot, we're PREGNANT. Give us some freakin room.

Then there is the "how much do I spend" conflict. Depending on what I'm buying I usually don't think too much about the price, as long as it's reasonable - but maternity clothes, they get you. You're trapped, you're the sucker, and next thing you know cha-ching, they hand you your receipt for all the clothes you just bought that you just wear for the next 4-5 months. "Oh really? You think I look great in this over sized trash bag looking blouse? Really? Oh okay, sure, I'll take it!

So what if this is my vanity getting the best of me. For me, I still feel the need to be slightly tasteful in my preggo attire and sorry if I don't want to look like I stepped out of the Duggar family trailer. I mean - love their denim and plaid, really do, but not for me.

For the love of baby jesus, and all babies for that matter, can someone please design cute, afforable, (I shouldn't even say it - gasp!) stylish maternity clothing!?

This definitely sucks.

Brooklyn's school handed us a letter yesterday that informed us it will be closing on:

December 23, 2009.

Next week. Next Wednesday. Done. I took her to her classroom, got back in my car and cried like a big baby. I loved her school, her teachers, the curriculum, the LOCATION. I couldn't believe it but at the end of the day it was this stupid economy's fault. Their enrollment had dropped 25% in the last year which totals about $600k in revenue over a years time. They just explained that many parents had been laid off and no longer needed to have someone look after their little ones. Sucks all the way around. But the timing, the timing REALLY sucked. And the notice? Ahem, what notice?

I suppose there was not much to be done there though. Had they given us more of an advance we would have yanked our kids out earlier and they would have gone into even more debt.

So, news broke. It sucked. I cried.

Put my big girl pants back on and realized this was a solvable problem. We got on the phone and secured a few places that had 1 or 2 openings in her age classroom and as of this morning my husband had already toured, got reviews, and wrote a registration check. Crisis averted, I suppose. The location is on his way to work, not mine, but it will only really be inconvenient when he travels. The school is very well known for having a great program put together and he seems to think that she'll do great there. Mama still needs to pay a visit just to double check but I think we got lucky. There are 150 stray kids that need a new home now and I know we got in this new school right in time.

When I first got used to the idea of Brooklyn being in someone elses care I still had crazy anxiety that it would all be okay. After a few weeks it was, and I never looked back. We're starting over again and I'm sure it will all work out just fine.

It could always be worse and I know this. I could be having to figure out how to cover the $900k that Kids R Kids is now in debt, but someone else has that worry this holiday season. And that, my friends, REALLY sucks.

I'd post the pictures from the zoo....

...except I don't have any. Because I flew solo and apparently am not skilled enough to do it ALL. The hubs was out of down last week, Thursday - Sunday, but that's no excuse to slow me and the little one down from being social now is it? Saturday morning I decided to pack it up and meet one of my very best friends at the zoo in San Antonio. She lives in Htown but was down visiting her SUPER PREGO sister and her two gorgeous girls. My girlfriend, Perri, has two kids of her own, and it's worth mentioning her parents and grandparents were there also. Quite the partaaay!

I left my house at 8:30 Saturday morning which in and of itself is borderline miraculous. Not that we don't do this on any given weekday, but moving that fast on Saturday too, yeah I know, pat on the back to me. Diaper bag packed, sippy cups, snacks, toys for the drive, the stroller, basics covered. Grabbed the camera too because I'm a good mom like that. Ya know, capturing the moments.

I made it on time and we got the crazy train going. Brooklyn was in the stroller, had the camera out ready and waiting and off we went. This was her 3rd trip to a zoo - the Austin zoo was just hot and lame, and she was too little to care when we took her to the Central Park zoo. First stop was the monkeys, which she absolutely loved since every animal sound we ask her to make is a monkey. We ventured into the aquarium section next and all she kept saying loudly over and over was "WHOA!" On to the a cave like structure to see the hippo's and alligators, and that's when it all started to fall apart. A mobile 14 month old with so much stimulation surrounding is OVER the stroller. Especially when she's the youngest of the 5 kiddos and everyone else is walking around. So, I made the mistake of letting her get down and that's when it was all over. One arm pushing the stroller, chasing her, picking her back up, pulling her off of things to climb, whoops there goes the sippy cup, "Brooklyn stop!", damn, I forgot the stroller!, shit my iPhone is sitting out in the cup holder!, etc...

I would entice her with crackers and LIFE cereal to get back in the stroller only to realize the next few exhibits she couldn't see unless I got her out and held her up to see the big animals. Damnit. But, that part was totally worth it as she yet again kept saying 'WHOA!' and then did her version of a roar when we saw the lions. She whispers it, have no idea where she got that from.

Needless to say by the time we left the zoo my hair was pulled up, I was sweating, the stroller was covered with crumbs, and I had a tired pup on my hands. Was so fun and so worth it, but: NOT ONE SINGLE FREAKIN PICTURE. Because yeah, like I said, I apparently am not talented enough to figure out how in the hell to manage that. I've said this before but again, hats off to single parents.

Anyone good at photoshop? ;)

KID car.

We took at little road trip this weekend to visit my bad ass brother that plays football at ACU.

Last year was cake as Brooklyn was 6 weeks old. This year, not so much, and I learned a little some about myself: I officially have KID CAR.

First of all, my SUV (mom car) has two captains chairs in the middle, then a very back seat that can fold down. It gets folded down for all the shit we bring with us now. It honestly looks like we are moving when in reality we are leaving for ONE night. Let me repeat, ONE NIGHT.

There is a giant bag of toys that sits between the captains chairs. Giant bag'o'toys is supposed to be a life saver when the little one wakes up but all I find is that she gets bored, quickly, with pushing buttons that make safari sounds. She looks at me as if to say, 'listen crazy bitch if you ask me what a monkey sounds like one more time I WILL CUT YOU!' So, said bag of toys ends up all over the floorboard, and then some.

Snacks. Road trips have a plethera of snacks but not the good ol' bag of beef jerky like we used to have. It's more crackers, fruit, etc...of which suddently seem to turn her into the HULK and she crushes anything and everything I put in her little hand. It's like those confetti eggs we all hated, but instead of paper it's made of mushy food. Her car seat and my floor with covered with crumbs. Awesome.

I can admit this, I'm not scurred. I used to walk by peoples cars that I could tell had kids and think, 'OMG look at that dump. Pick up your shit and quit letting your kids take over your life.' I know, slap slap to me. Just thought some were too lazy for their own good, and still do, but have a fresh perspective on what monsters  kiddos can do to/in the back seats.

Terrorize
Spill
Crumble
Throw
Destroy

...in the first 30 minutes.

For every 30 minute interval double the size of KID CAR that is happening. We were on the road collectively for 7 hours this last weekend. You do the math.

F'ing disaster.

I cleaned it out when we got home because I didn't want mistakenly start being filmed for the next crazy freakshow hoarders episode.

Moms and Dads I was better than, yeah...sorry about that. You can stop stabbing the voodoo doll now though, I get it. I have KID car now too.

Shoes

I love shoes. I do. I mean I LOVE SHOES like I could marry them type of love. You can have on any outfit, put on the right pair of heels, flip flops, boots, wedge, sandal, and ta-da, you are FABULOUS.

I also firmly believe they set a tone. If you walk into a room with a rockin' pair of heels on people notice them and it says confidence. If you have on a wedge that is classy, but soft, you look sophisticated yet relaxed. Flip flop - lazy, fun, carefree, and ready to drink some beer. Boots mean the seasons are changing and it's time for some comfy sweaters and fantastic accessories. Shoes are awesome people, AWESOME.

That's why I owe 65+ pairs. Some of you may gasp because you think what the hell, that is too many and others may gasp and think oh my god that poor girl has no shoes. Whatever side you are on, just know that I know you have your own vices, mkay?

Insert life change - I had a daughter.

What does this mean? MORE SHOES!!! Her very first pair were a little ballerina slip-on that were leopard print with a tiny pink bow. Let's see, as a newborn she wore them NEVER. Because no one told me as a new mom that those things would not stay on unless you superglued them to their tiny little feet. They are proudly on display in her room though. Next in line is pair of pink cowboy boots that I bought while pregnant that she can't wear until she's about 2 - whatever, minor detail. She got a pair of black patent dress shoes for her first Christmas pictures. When I put them on with her dress they just didn't work so she went barefoot and those were worn NEVER. Over the summertime I bought her flip flops with a strap on the back. Worn NEVER because she was too fascinated with the piece that went between her toes, apparently she couldn't walk. What is the damn deal? When is my daughter going to learn that being stylish isn't always easy. GAWH!

Okay Brooklyn grandma - let's go for functional. I broke down and bought several pairs of Robeez, which while definitely functional they are not so cute. I mean, unless her boot cut jeans cover half of them up. But, they worked, she walked in shoes, and we're all good.

She's had those for several weeks and I decided last night with her upcoming fall festival, trip to see her Uncle this weekend, and the holidays around the corner we need to graduate back into fashionista. I bought her two pairs of boots and some fun sneakers for schools. The boots fa-reak-ing rock.

I put the black pair on her this morning with some leggings and I swear she stood there frozen, then picked up each leg as if I had tied a concrete block to the bottom of her foot. FINE! Robeez it is but when we get home the boots are back on for practice.

Judging me yet, I thought so. ;)

Trust me, I want what's best for my daughter, I really do. And what's best, is good taste in shoes. There is hope, though, as she loves my closet and tries to put mine on all the time. Except we really have to work on that look. She looks like she wants to choke somebody.

Sigh, baby steps.

Watch me grow

There is this super nifty little thing that Brooklyn's school has that allows me to log in and watch her via video stream throughout the day. It's called 'Watch me grow.' This is beneficial for many reasons,

a.) I can see what they are doing at any time which prevents any weirdo's from getting away with stuff they shouldn't.
b.) Allows me to see how she's interacting, if she's sleeping when she normally would be, eating, playing well, etc...
c.) Keeps me somewhat connected to her even though she doesn't know it, and helps feed that curiousity of 'what the hell is my child doing all day!?'
d.) Makes me insanely jealous and sometimes borderline emotional wreck for my work environment.

I'm sure d. comes primarily at the same time every month when my raging hormones are just being on their best behavior. The same timeframe where I cuss, scream, and cry about nothing important all in a matter of minutes. You know, when my husband loves me the most and thinks I make perfect sense. Wink, wink.

She just transitioned into her 3rd classroom this week. She started there in the baby room, moved into the 2nd classroom, and now that she's hit a year old is moving again to bigger and better places with new friends to make and different teachers. This new classroom requires them to wear shoes every day. This is symbolic because we are definitely starting to get away from a wardrobe of cute onesies to actual outfits (shoes-score!). She gets to listen to Spanish, play in sandboxes, sit at mini-tables with matching mini-chairs, do arts and crafts, play fight with friends, and GROW.

...And I get to watch. It's truly bittersweet being a working mama.