1st day of school...

BOTH of my kiddos started school today. What does that mean? It means I'm back at work. I say school instead of daycare because it makes me feel better. Where they go is a great place, awesome teachers, awesome curriculums - rules like, no baby in cribs unless they are sleeping no TV's, etc...it's a good place. But it's not home, and I'm not with them.

I have a great job at a thriving company so I honestly cannot complain at all. It's just that staying in our pj's until Ellen was over every morning with a hot cup of coffee and my beautiful babies by my side was amazing. Planning dinners, keeping up with laundry, seeing friends for lunch, rainy days where we baked cookies, played barbies, painted, and watched too much TV....all so incredibly wonderful memories. I cherished my time home this second time around more than ever, knowing it would go by so fast and also knowing it would be my last (while they are babies, at least). I had days where I screamed into a pillow when schedules just didn't stick and melt downs occured. Thankfully my husband was there to pick up the pieces when he got home and get us all back on track. I don't really remember those days near as much as all of the fantastic moments I had just being a full time mommy.

I've always struggled with this since having kids, as I'm sure most moms do. I don't believe I'm destined to permanently stay home with the kids, but I do think that maybe through a year old would be absolutely ideal. At this very moment that option just doesn't exist for me and I have to do what is best for my family in the long run. I'm 100% not trying to be all 'woe is me' here as there are hundreds of thousands of moms out there doing this everyday too. And, I do like working. Harder for me to see that at this exact moment because this is literally day 1 back, but I know I like the intensity, the challenge, and the financial reward that goes with having a career.

All things in time always work themselves out. Emotions will calm down, schedules and routines will exist and I'll still love on my babies every single day as much as possible. The 1st day of school was just tough for me, period.