I think of my baby cousin often. Daily, really. She was taken from this life way too soon, I'm convinced of that, and although I do believe everything happens for a reason I can't help feel so much emotion surrounding her death. I know it has a lot to do with the fact she was just 3 years old and died so tragically. So helplessly, in an instant. I think of my Aunt and Uncle, struggling to just survive as each morning they wake up fighting a war, alone.
Having my child makes this situation all the more real to me, as it did when she first died. I couldn't stop comparing it to what I would do if anything ever happened to my sweet baby girl, who I live for, who is changing every day - talking, comprehending, suprising us at every turn with something new. She makes us laugh, pushes us to the limits, and makes memories for us that we could have never predicted.
I hear and read stories about people that neglect their children. The woman in Houston who starved her child, she died at 8 years old weighing all of 15 lbs. The father that forced his 4 year old daughter's head into a kitchen sink full of water 3, 4, 5 times because she wouldn't recite her ABC's. These two stories released in the last two days, I'm sure if I went back a week I could have 5 more just like that of individuals who should have never become parents in the first place and take it all for granted.
I work hard to maintain balance in my life, and since my cousin passed away I think I've found success in achieving it. With that comes a great sense of peace that in the distant past I struggled a great deal to find. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, how quick life changed for everyone, and how there is nothing in life like living in the moment. My bad days are still bad, I have normal 'freak out' sessions, tears for no real reason, my husband staring at me with that blank look of WTF is happening to my wife. :) I'm sure the pregnancy elevates all of this to new levels, in fact I know it does, but I can come back down and level out better than I ever have before.
We all miss you Lena, and I don't take for granted what you have taught us in your short life of 3 years. Rest in peace always sweet girl, we miss you every day.