Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Not a day goes by.

I think of my baby cousin often. Daily, really. She was taken from this life way too soon, I'm convinced of that, and although I do believe everything happens for a reason I can't help feel so much emotion surrounding her death. I know it has a lot to do with the fact she was just 3 years old and died so tragically. So helplessly, in an instant. I think of my Aunt and Uncle, struggling to just survive as each morning they wake up fighting a war, alone.

Having my child makes this situation all the more real to me, as it did when she first died. I couldn't stop comparing it to what I would do if anything ever happened to my sweet baby girl, who I live for, who is changing every day - talking, comprehending, suprising us at every turn with something new. She makes us laugh, pushes us to the limits, and makes memories for us that we could have never predicted.

I hear and read stories about people that neglect their children. The woman in Houston who starved her child, she died at 8 years old weighing all of 15 lbs. The father that forced his 4 year old daughter's head into a kitchen sink full of water 3, 4, 5 times because she wouldn't recite her ABC's. These two stories released in the last two days, I'm sure if I went back a week I could have 5 more just like that of individuals who should have never become parents in the first place and take it all for granted.

I work hard to maintain balance in my life, and since my cousin passed away I think I've found success in achieving it. With that comes a great sense of peace that in the distant past I struggled a great deal to find. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her, how quick life changed for everyone, and how there is nothing in life like living in the moment. My bad days are still bad, I have normal 'freak out' sessions, tears for no real reason, my husband staring at me with that blank look of WTF is happening to my wife. :) I'm sure the pregnancy elevates all of this to new levels, in fact I know it does, but I can come back down and level out better than I ever have before.

We all miss you Lena, and I don't take for granted what you have taught us in your short life of 3 years. Rest in peace always sweet girl, we miss you every day.


Synergy Girl said...

It must be a week of tearful posts...yours is so sweet. Live every moment as though it is your last...thanks for the reminder!! I am sure you read the post on Pooba's blog...but if not, wow...it was a impactful one with that same feeling of hold on to your babies, and never let go, cause life will change in a matter of moments... http://grandpooba.blogspot.com/2010/02/tragedy.html

Future Mama said...

I'm so sorry about your and their loss, my goodness. It's amazing how things like that make us realize how we have so much to be grateful for!

Congrats on your coming boy too! And I totally know what you mean about backing off "digitally" I spend a lot of time with my "stuff" but I don't want to miss out on time with Spawnie once she arrives. Great posts girl!

Grand Pooba said...

Oh wow, that is so so sad. I heard about those stories too and it just makes me sick that there are people like that out there.

This week a family lost thier 4 year old girl and 15 month old baby because they died from toxins leaking into their bedroom from outside where a poison control worker had planted poison. Poison that was not safe to be within 50 feet of a human being!

These tragedies just kill me! Makes me appreciate life and the lives of my family members.

I'm so sorry about your baby cousin, it is so hard to see a child die so young.

OceanDreams said...

I'm sorry for your loss...all I can say is the world needs more moms like you. You are a wonderful mother and have such a fantastic heart - your little ones are blessed to have you!

Kathie Quinn said...

As horrifying as this may sound, hearing stories of other people being shitty excuses for parents makes ME a better one. I take the extra time to stare, appreciate and squeeze my babies when I'm reminded that not all kids are as lucky to have a Mom who wants them around.