Last year was cake as Brooklyn was 6 weeks old. This year, not so much, and I learned a little some about myself: I officially have KID CAR.
First of all, my SUV (mom car) has two captains chairs in the middle, then a very back seat that can fold down. It gets folded down for all the shit we bring with us now. It honestly looks like we are moving when in reality we are leaving for ONE night. Let me repeat, ONE NIGHT.
There is a giant bag of toys that sits between the captains chairs. Giant bag'o'toys is supposed to be a life saver when the little one wakes up but all I find is that she gets bored, quickly, with pushing buttons that make safari sounds. She looks at me as if to say, 'listen crazy bitch if you ask me what a monkey sounds like one more time I WILL CUT YOU!' So, said bag of toys ends up all over the floorboard, and then some.
Snacks. Road trips have a plethera of snacks but not the good ol' bag of beef jerky like we used to have. It's more crackers, fruit, etc...of which suddently seem to turn her into the HULK and she crushes anything and everything I put in her little hand. It's like those confetti eggs we all hated, but instead of paper it's made of mushy food. Her car seat and my floor with covered with crumbs. Awesome.
I can admit this, I'm not scurred. I used to walk by peoples cars that I could tell had kids and think, 'OMG look at that dump. Pick up your shit and quit letting your kids take over your life.' I know, slap slap to me. Just thought some were too lazy for their own good, and still do, but have a fresh perspective on what
Terrorize
Spill
Crumble
Throw
Destroy
...in the first 30 minutes.
For every 30 minute interval double the size of KID CAR that is happening. We were on the road collectively for 7 hours this last weekend. You do the math.
F'ing disaster.
I cleaned it out when we got home because I didn't want mistakenly start being filmed for the next crazy freakshow hoarders episode.
Moms and Dads I was better than, yeah...sorry about that. You can stop stabbing the voodoo doll now though, I get it. I have KID car now too.
